X Marks the Spot

11 Oct

Before I start, it is best to insert a disclaimer. I only watched about the first 20 hours of this week’s X Factor – the next 50 were too much for me to bear.

Ok, I’m exaggerating a wee bit, but by gum it was long, wasn’t it?

Thank God they’ve culled two of the acts – next week will be at least half an hour shorter once they cut all the ‘journey’ and/or ‘destiny’ waffle.

Starting at the very end (not a very good place to start):

EPIC LOUIS FAIL. Need I say more? The video at the end of this post pretty much sums up my feelings.

I was surprised Nicolo went. He had the pink vote (although it was split with Wand Erection…oops, One Direction, so they’ll probably get a lot further now) and had the ‘entertainment factor’ (yes, I really just wrote that). Nothing to worry about though, he wasn’t exactly brimming with vocal talent.

Joe’s performance was rather Technicolour Dreamcoat – just in case we missed the gay memo – but nice enough. Poor lamb shouldn’t have been made to follow Usher though – not that it was such a top performance, just that, well…he’s Joe McElderry.

On to Saturday’s show.

I won’t waste your time (and mine) talking about the performances. Let’s just say the majority of them left me lukewarm at best. Even Magic Tesco Mary was a bit underwhelming (she was ill though, so fair enough).

It’s all a bit hysterical this year. More so than usual. The shrieking, the raucous audience, Louis camping it up more than ever. Let’s go down to 6 on the scale, please. I’m surely in the minority though – ‘the people’ love the drama. And the accompanying hullabaloo.

The styling was pretty shocking – undoubtably Katie was the worst in her odd Daft Punk/Gaga mash-up, but Rebecca also lost out  in her matron’s mourning dress. Poor Paije – not every big black youth needs to dress like Sean Kingston.

As for the famed style showdown – I’d call it even. Dannii looked AMAZING on Saturday (and I don’t even particularly like her) but Chez rocked some stunning Vivienne Westwood danglers from her lobes. I wasn’t such a fan of Dannii’s look on Sunday though – I get what she was going for, but, just….no. Cheryl won that one by default alone but her mocha-laced dress was  lovely. Shame about the South Shields ‘do she sported.

I’m hoping now the awkward first show is out of the way, the competition can really begin. Let’s hope next week brings better singing, more inspired song choices (I’m talking to you John Adeleye) and, for the love of Karl, better styling.

As a ‘treat’, for those of you who haven’t already seen it, here’s Katie ‘I’m so vulnerable and kooky’ Waissel, or, Vogel:


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